Here is the message I got on my phone tonight: "OH, why is she not allowed to ride Mag? After your America visit you'll come home to a perfectly educated, trail-safe horse!"
Um?
***
I know you know we're looking for locals to look after our animals over the next year, in stints.
Our friend and barn owner TP introduced us to Ruth a week ago.
Ruth was her maid/cleaning lady as TP has been busy at work.
Although Ruth has never had a horse of her own, she's had a lifetime of Reitbeteiligungen, leases of other's horses. (Leasing is huge in Germany because land is expensive, everyone boards, and everyone needs help paying board. Almost everyone leases or has leased here.)
Ruth came over, tan and blond and we hit it off immediately, she loves to talk and we have a lot in common.
She lives a half hour away and her last child just moved out and she wanted to treat herself to a horsey vacation for her 50th bday, just living in the country with horses and her lap dog.
She said, "My husband is a gardener and will do the gardening here!"
I assumed he'd be staying here with her, if they're married.
No.
She said she wants to get away from it all, including him. I asked if she was divorced and she said no, she's just independent.
OK......
My husband came out and met her, a 10 second greeting and came away with bad impressions of her. He said she was gehoben. I looked it up, it seems to mean entitled.
I didn't know what he meant but I was already starting to recognize the signs of being treated as if I'm helpless again. Whether it's cuz I'm a foreigner or I just put off a helpless vibe, I'm sick of being talked to as if I'm needy. I'm 50 now. When will people stop saying the words "you should" in every sentence?
But she seemed so nice and her dream was fitting - staying here for a few months for free, her husband doing the yardwork and she cleans up after the animals.
***
The next day I got a text from her: "My husband did not react well to the idea of me staying at your farm."
Um....she didn't tell him beforehand?
She asked if she could come over again to get to know the horse.
I found out they have a huge home, 3 times the size of ours, and a massive yard and swimming pool. Her husband is already taking care of their land....why would he want to take care of two properties? I'd assumed they lived in an apartment, like most Germans do.
***
She cancelled two days in a row due to cloudy, rainy weather. That's fine but not very German of her, most Germans are at your door early no matter the weather. TP had introduced her to me as "Extremely reliable."
The third day she arrived and we took our animals for a walk, to get to know each other. (She had the donkey because Mag can be a handful out in traffic.)
She repeated how much she wants to live at our house with a horse and a donkey, what a vacation that would be. I reminded her of all the yardwork, how much mowing and weeding and trimming I do every week.
Suddenly she started pressuring me about riding Mag.
"So, I can ride him, right?"
No, that was never part of the arrangement, and I'd already told her he's quirky and even dangerous. He also makes up his own mind who is allowed to ride him and who he throws through the arena fence.
She said, over and over, "I'm not afraid of him."
As if that was meant to alter his behavior toward strangers. She cuddled his face a lot, which he permitted.
I let it go, I just said, "It's not an option, he's not entirely safe, and only people I trust (my riding instructor from last year) may attempt to ride him."
She kept mentioning the no fear thing. That wasn't changing my mind.
Mag was having a good day out there grazing along the street, he only got agitated twice when a semi and a tractor went by.
As Ani used to do, she said, "Look, he's perfectly fine!"
She also tried to convince me it was a good idea for her to be able to take the donkey and the horse out for a hand walk simultaneously. I said, "That would only work until it didn't. The donkey is stubborn and strong when she reaches to graze, and if the horse spooks, he needs both your hands. That's why he has a 12 foot lead line. If you lose one of them because a Harley Davidson goes by, you will lose both of them, because one will draw the other to escape."
I don't know if she got that, I know it's normal to think you can lead two animals out into traffic around here without problem. I know it's theoretically possible for me. I just don't want to test the day that I will surely lose them both in traffic.
***
The next day I got a text from her that she cannot stay here; saying it's important for her to be able to ride the horse.
Do you see the dejavu from July 2020? Ani? (Ani last year believed she was entitled to lease Mag for free and ride him despite my deep conviction that she's end up killing them both.)
She said riding is her life and she needs to do it, so she cannot farmsit for us. She cannot live without riding, she repeated. It makes no sense to me that someone without a horse suddenly cannot live without riding a horse.
I mean seriously another person challenging me to ride Mag - will this be a theme forever?
Was it TP who gave her the idea that this was a riding holiday?
Maybe not, I cannot blame TP.
Why didn't Ruth ask on day 1 if she'd be riding Mag?
Also, if riding is her life why doesn't she have at least another lease horse recently? Has she been waiting for a chance to housesit for someone traveling away, to ride their horse? *confused*
She invited me to come visit and swim in her pool. That was nice of her.
***
I wrote her back and said, "It's unfortunate we did not discuss the riding thing right away."
***
Tonight I wrote TP a text, "Sorry that your friend Ruth refuses to stay here because she wouldn't be allowed to ride Mag. What a shame."
She responded......
"Why is Ruth not allowed to ride Mag? After the time you're in America, you will return to a perfectly trained, trail-safe riding horse."
What the....she was your housekeeper and now she's a horse trainer?
13 comments:
Monica (whose mom is German) totally agrees with you when you say that Germans have no tact and they don't fear confrontation. Those of us from the passive-PNW, however....
Aarene, if someone told me I cannot ride their horse I would feel disappointed, perhaps, but I wouldn't ask twice, I'd accept that there must be a reason. If it was a good friend of mine, I would probably ask for the reason. If it was someone I'd just met, I'd let it go.
It is okay if she doesn't agree with your reasons. Your stance is that no one can ride Mag while you are away. It's a non-negotiable for you. It doesn't matter if others disagree. He's YOUR HORSE. You get to decide.
Given that Germans like direct communication you can just say 'It is okay if you disagree with my decision, it is still mine to make.
I wonder if your previous instructor would like to house sit.... :)
These posts are fascinating but head shaking. She’s not just entitled, she’s delusional. Your husband is wise. You dodged a bullet. You know she would have tried to ride him with you gone. Are there any practical, down to earth horse people in Germany? Once I went through menopause, I did not suffer fools gladly. I’m 68 now and that’s one of my maxims.
Teresa, That's a great idea, I guess I assumed my riding instructor wouldn't want to be further away from her horse, but I may as well ask. Especially since I've now decided that dogs are welcome: )
KB, You know what I did today? I cleaned my tack and hid it in my attic! I know one down to earth horsey person in Germany, and that is S1. Sadly she's pretty far away to go riding together, but I did visit her this week and gave her two scarves I crochet-ed (?) for her. I keep telling her, "You are the singular normal horse person I've met in Germany." She's just as unpleasantly direct/cruelly honest as all Germans, but she's an educated, normal person.
Could your riding instructor bring a horse along, if she were to live at your place for months at a time?
Could your riding instructor bring a horse along, if she were to live at your place for months at a time?
I have to wonder if all the leasing of horses leads to more of an expectation of...sharing...than it should. Still not appropriate.
Aarene, she's a dressage person who rarely trail rides so I didn't think of her, but it cannot hurt to ask. Your zucchini party sounds fun but can you believe that is the one weekend we already have plans? It's our family reunion. We'd normally go to Rockaway Beach, OR, but due to family illness we're gonna rent the Cove in Normandy Park. I'm bringing the oysters! Also sad, the state of my one zucchini plant. It's got leaves and dead little fingers of zucchinis that will rot before they grow.: (
Tervpack, I think you're right. I know for certain that Ani had that issue. S1 told me Ani even has a reputation locally of using other ppl's horses only for free. In the 6 years I knew her she had 7 lease horses. At the same time she was pressuring me to let her ride my horse (without my presence) she had another lease horse!
With the cost of farmsitting ranging from 50-100$ a day depending on hours required and number of animals, it would seem that it might be less cost and hassle to board your horse and donkey at a non riding farm with nice pastures and find a gardener to cut your grass. You can then have piece of mind that no animal will be ridden, no dishes broken, and no beautiful plants ruined.
Nat D is not wrong. Can a neighbor check on the kitty?
Aarene, Mercer died a gruesome, horrible death one year ago this month. We were so traumatized we'll never have another cat.
Oh, I'm so sorry, I do remember that now.
Nat B's idea to pay for Mag(and Bellis?) to be boarded somewhere and the farm sitter to care for plants is a good one.
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