The 8 year loop with unpredictable neighbors

This is the story of me trying to be a good neighbor when it's not pleasant. (Or, trying to put the fire out of bridges?)

 

In 2013 I bought Mara, the mare I never got along with unless we were in the arena doing dressage. (That horse loved 20 meter circles, she could release her anxiety and zone out on that circle.)

We'd moved here in 2009 and I had Baasha, so I didn't need anyone for a few years. I was in my perfect place - alone exploring on my heart horse. When he died in 2012, I suddenly found myself needing help. 

So I went across the street to the boarding barn and asked which of their horses has the most trail experience, to be a good mentor to my new mare. Everyone agreed on N (short for nemesis). She does endurance with her Pintabian so we had a lot to talk about. 

 

She agreed to take me on my first group trail ride with another boarder on her Icelandic, Arndis, who was "born steady." 

When I arrived at the barn at the designated time, the farrier was putting new plastic shoes on both horses. I was a little annoyed that I had to wait, but I just settled in and took it as a chance to get to know these ladies. TWO HOURS later they were finally done, and assured me (the second time) that we'd take a nice slow ride to see how Mara handles herself. (You know where this is going.)

Besides N's dog lunging in and out of the bushes, which my horse did not find funny, we had a nice ride down the hill toward the watershed. 

As the trail turned back up, N kicked her horse into a canter and left. She was just gone. 

It could have been bad but the Icelandic lady remembered their assurances that we'd take it slow, and she asked Arndis to stay with me. Arndis was so good, she did as asked and actually used her enormous butt to block the trail so Mara would give up trying to follow the gone-horse. 

We completed the ride on our own and I thanked her very much, and made plans with her again (that never came about, sadly).

 

N became the first of a few neighbors I've ghosted that day. I nicknamed her my nemesis, though J has another one for her, "The cell phone dog lady" cuz she rides by our house a few times a week always playing with her phone, always with her dog trotting next to her horse. 

Every time I saw her, I sighed inwardly, at the memory. 

 

2021. I decided to sell my beloved Wintec Endurance saddle because I couldn't see myself using it in the near future and 10 years in the attic is a real shame for such a nice saddle. My eBay ad got over 300 hits and I got a lot of interest but most people wanted to pay 400Euros and I was at a firm 550E because it's in like-new condition and comes with all accessories including two custom made wool pads (Skito & Toklat), girth, and the entire fit kit. There was no way I would try to sell all the parts separately when those 2 pads were made for it, and a Wintec without its fit kit is a sad thing, that's what makes Wintecs fit different horses.

 

One of the people interested in the saddle was Alex. He tried to haggle me down but when I told him the price of everything new, he caved. I was starting to get unmotivated to sell and J tried to convince me to keep the saddle. I said, "For sentimental reasons?"

 

Alex broke the German formal speech rule and addressed me informally. That irked me enough that I thought I'd pull the ad down, simply for that. I'd taken a slicker brush to the wool pads and girth and they looked like new. Did I want this disrespectful jerk getting it? I've been in Germany long enough to know the rules - you do not talk to people you don't know like that.

 

Then I get an email from someone whose name starts with N. I shuddered but thought there are millions of German ladies with that name. 

Very strangely, the email simply said, "I'd like to come by and see the saddle you've been talking about with someone (sic) ." I didn't understand exactly and J said, "She's using bad German, ask her what she means." 

Amazingly to me, N *also* used the informal language with me. (These are the only two people who have, in my eBay selling days.)  It gave me a very bad feeling - she might actually know me.

I wrote back, "I've been speaking with a few people - who do you mean?"

"Alex."

 

Then she said, "I'm N from across the street." 

WTH. Why the subterfuge before? Why not be a normal person and say, "Hi, I'm N from across the street and I'd like to inspect the saddle for a friend of mine." No, she couldn't be normal. But now I know why she addressed me informally.

I was tempted to drop the ad. Say it's sold.

But when morning came I was more rational. 

N came over the next day, dog at her side, and said she'd never seen this model before. I said they don't make them anymore - it's 20 years old. 

Alex was super motivated and sent us 578E the next day. We were both surprised at that amount, apparently Alex clicked "Business transaction" on eBay rather than friend, so he got a fee.

I couldn't help myself; I had the perfect excuse to bring up his bad manners. 

"You have adressed me informally this entire time, and yet you didn't want to use the friend transaction setting?"

The next day (blog from yesterday) N came over without saying when, so she showed up when the farrier was here, blocked my farrier's car and my car, and refused to come by later. Nothing too bad about that but it was stressful to have everything happening at once. Although he was done with the injured hoof, I would have liked to have had more time to discuss it with him.

(Strange coincidence that I've had only two appointments with N in my life and both of them were during farrier visits.)

I insisted that N inspect everything thoroughly and sign a form saying everything is there, and everything is in good shape. (I gave her all the accessories in a Adidas sports bag and proved the theory that no American can say that word *lol*.) I wrapped the saddle in two large plastic bags because I assumed her car would be full of dog hair and I'd worked hard removing horse hair from the Skito pad.

Then she spent a few minutes answering J's and my questions about the situation at the boarding barn. She said it's now under the management of the son of the owner and that the arena has been improved but there are 3 new horses that upset the herd in their Winter paddock and send low-ranking horses through the fences. She said, "You sure have it nice here, you don't have to worry about that stuff." I said, "I really appreciate having my horse here, especially in Winter where I know for sure he has warm water to drink and how much hay he's eating. However I'm all alone here and have no arena."

My most pressing question, naturally, was whether I'd be allowed to come ride in their arena after Corona. J jumped into the conversation, defending me as always, "My wife was told by the owner that the boarders did not want outside riders, and even though we were paying, that she wouldn't be allowed to ever come back."  

N pondered that for a moment, thinking back to 2013. She replied there was conflict around scheduling riding lessons, when I had riding lessons there, boarders didn't like competing for their space with an outsider. (I remember one day I had to send my riding instructor home because the ladies did not want to share the arena at that time.)  I understand but I think it would have been preferrable to work out a schedule rather than ban me for life.

She said I would need to talk to the new manager, after Corona. She also mentioned that another outsider is using the arena for lessons. This makes at least 2 of them (I can see when this happens, their arena is visible from the street and I know all their horses.)

Packing the saddle, etc, into her SUV I noticed it was perfectly clean inside. Her dog was in the back. I said, "N! Your car is completely clean inside! Most dog people let their dogs get their cars filthy, hence the plastic on the saddle!" 

As we chatted I started to get the impression that she's a normal horse person, not a total jerk. And it wasn't completely unselfish of me to sell to her; she knows now that I'm alone here and wishing I had a place to train my horse.

I cannot call her my nemesis anymore. I'll just call her N.

***

Also in 2013, I was leading Mara to their arena and she was walking on the grass next to the driveway. The other son of the owner came running out of the house* and yelled at me so loud the entire neighborhood could hear, "Don't let your horse walk on the grass!" After he got done yelling--it took a while--I apologized and told him I would have heard him if he'd been talking normally. I classified him that moment as "unneighborly."

* - It's the German way - one son, T,  lives with the elderly barn owner in the same 2-family house. The other son (R, new barn manager, with kids) built a 2nd house on the property - so there's 3 generations all living on one huge plot of land. And you know the kids are gonna inherit both houses, cuz people don't buy homes in Germany - they inherit them.

The "Yells at Lytha" son, T,  owns a music shop. My husband, trying to be a good neighbor, and not simply use Amazon, ordered reeds from him for his clarinet, which are not legal to sell at the moment because musical instruments are not essential. Since he wants the sale, despite the law, the yelling son decided to do the transaction cash-only no receipt. Sure enough, we were sitting by the fire one day and this Smart car pulls up to our window and yelling son (politely wearing a mask) was standing there with a box of reeds. He was extremely nice to us and told J to enjoy playing his instrument. 

I think it's so strange how this neighborhood works. People cycle through shocking rudeness and innocence as though nothing happened.  I'll have to call the yelling guy by his name, Torsten.: )

Now for some photos that make me happy - Mara finding people who love her...