I failed (but I passed the hard part!)

This was one of the hardest tests of my life, along with stats, phonology, and calc. AND I PASSED.

I passed the written test! IN GERMAN! I spent all day yesterday studying, just like I spent every evening the last two weeks, and the entire last weekend, just studying. My life was driving, school, driving, studying, sleeping. My house and garden are NASTY. I also have not showered as much as I should.

I got a 3 on the test, which is above average. I even had to write in German this time, not just multiple choice. I was pretty confident at 10 AM this morning, turning in that test. I was really secure in all my written answers, and most of the others.

***

Last week Zaphira, the administrator, said, "You can take the test in English, if you want."

Um....it had been 5 days at that point. I'd been learning anatomy and physiology in the German language the entire time.

If I want to take the test in English, I'd have to go back and learn every term again, for example, the names of all of the valves of the heart. 

No way was I gonna do English.

I asked her if I could have a copy of the German and the English (knowing that the English would be full of language errors), and she said it's not possible, because they have to order the test from the government, who creates the tests, and they can only order one per student. Oh well. (Also, like the other two quizzes we had, we are not allowed to even see them after we are done, much less keep them. They are government property. That's something new for me!)

***

Jan and I were sitting in a corner away from the kiddies, when the secretary, Katrin, nonchalantly snuck over to us and started whispering. I understood nothing. Jan broke into a smile.

WHAT?

"We both passed." He whispered. SHH! She's not supposed to say.

I passed the test in GERMAN! It's a miracle!

But....

Jan and I both failed the class.

Due to extremely bad luck, in my opinion.

***

There are about 8 hands-on tasks we must know, in addition to CPR (both CPR roles). How to set up an IV, how to take blood pressure, how to prepare medications, how to take blood sugar, how to care for an amputation/amputat, how to do a pressure bandage, how to use a vacuum mattress (a "camping pad" that you suck the air out to conform to the patient's body, to immobilize him), how to lay someone out correctly when unconscious, how to remove a motorcycle helmet and place a neck brace.....

We were literally given dice to roll, and whatever number we rolled, we'd be tested on that activity. I rolled a 4. Motorcycle helmet/neck brace. Jan rolled a 5, vacuum mattress.

The helmet thing I'd only done once in my life, although I'd observed it several times. I thought it was so straightforward I didn't spent much more time on it than that.

My mistake.

The test-giver put the helmet on and I apparently jostled his neck while placing the brace. OK, sure I did, I'd only done it once. I deserved to fail for that. (But did I deserve to fail the entire class for one mistake? More on that to come....)

Poor Jan though! As soon as we stepped up, together, to do the vacuum mattress, I raised my arms happily, saying, "Woo, we've got this!"

We had done it so many times over the weeks. It is easy as pie for us now.

The test-giver lay down on our mattress and we stabilized him while using the vacuum to totally immobilize him. We did it just like Friday, when we did it in front of the entire class, with 3 teachers watching.

Therefore I was shocked to hear that Jan had failed this exercise. WHAT!

The test-giver said, in our private conference, "I felt crooked in the mattress. I felt unbalanced."

WHAT!?

Jan sat there speechless (for once!) and I jumped in to defend him.

"We did this exercise Friday with THREE teachers standing over us. They said 'Super!'. We did nothing differently, so I'm very surprised to hear that you aren't satisfied."

Jan nodded his head, poor Jan. I think he was in shock.

The teacher said, "*I* was not there Friday to observe you two."

And now I see it. The truth is every evaluator, every teacher does things slightly differently. And later J told me it is probably by law that our own teachers are not allowed to test us, we had total strangers. Who teach differently.

***

Indeed, the other day the administrator herself stepped in while I was giving CPR and said, "STOP! WRONG!"

(To give you a visual, this lady is intense -- can you picture Zafira from Twilight? Peering jungle lady with pitch black skin, perfect hair and poise?)

Zafira said, "You don't instruct someone to call '911' until you've checked breathing."

I said, "That is not how we learned it."

The next day Zafira walked into our class, interrupting, "There will be, from now on, the 911 call, immediately after establishing unconsciousness."

We were right. I nudged Jan, "Hey, she relented!" *grin*

But I started to realize that every single teacher does things a little differently.

Slightly, but it's critical for students. And it really screws with us.

I was down at the patient, at the side role of CPR, and the tester started blah blah blahing. What the heck is he talking about, I've got my thing here to do.

I did what I'd learned, "You in the black shirt, you call "911"

Jan looked up from his task, and said, "He already did, before we arrived. They want an update."

UPDATE?! WTH.

Jan remained calm, "Unresponsive. Call the emergency doctor."

*sigh* I think these test-givers wanted to shake us up a bit. Or, perhaps they'd been teaching this process another way, a way we were not familiar with.ut that little glitch during CPR probably did not affect my pass/fail, cuz it was not life-endangering.

But THIS might have.....

Jan is used to shouting to me, ordering me around. So when the defibrillator cables pulled out of the machine, rendering it useless, on our very first testing situation, it was awful that he was not able to listen to ME.

I said urgently, but calmly,

"JAN, YOU NEED TO PLUG THEM IN...

JAN, YOU NEED TO PLUG THEM IN...

JAN, YOU NEED TO PLUG THEM IN..."

and he did nothing...UM!?! What could I do?

The test-giver came over to Jan and said, "You need to listen to your partner. Plug those things in."

*chuckle* So many times Jan had said to me, "We need to communicate during the tests. Constantly!" I guess by communicate he meant he would be talking.

***

Earlier, someone had heard Jan speaking (teacherly fashion) to me in English, like he often does (though I mainly stick to German) and she said, "Hey, your English is great!"

I couldn't resist saying, "Are you sure about that or do you want me to tell him the truth?"

That was mean of me, but after the way he's been treating me I couldn't help myself.

Germans mostly over-estimate their English ability.

***

After the test, but before our conference with the evaluators, Jan told me I did the helmet thing wrong - I unfastened the strap before opening the visor. Oops.

I thought of the things he did wrong and considered  not telling him. Then I thought, screw it, he should know.

"Jan, I noticed you changed the procedure during the vacuum matress - you told me to shut off the machine although it wasn't at full power yet."

He replied, "That doesn't matter."

Then I said, "You also told me to shut off the machine BEFORE shutting the air valve. That is not the way we learned, and not the way we practiced."

He said, "Oh, I just wanted to be done. I wanted it over with!"

Hm. He can sure dish out the criticism, but to receive it? *sigh*

***

Anyway, I failed cuz I jostled a neck. Jan failed cuz we jostled a body.

***

Later I looked at my fail letter more carefully. WTH........it said, "If during any hands-on exercise you do any potentially life-threatening damage to a patient, you fail the class entirely." 

Whoa. I was stunned at our bad luck. Because we literally drew the only two exercises where a life-threatening injury would even be possible! You can't really injure someone taking their blood pressure wrong, or their blood sugar, or preparing a shot, an IV, putting on a bandage....omgosh, if we'd drawn any other exercise, and screwed up, we would have been able to try again, or not, but we wouldn't have failed the entire class! How frustrating!

***

All the other students, waiting their turn to hear their results in that tiny room, were curious how we did, and I imagine that they were shocked to hear we failed, because Jan and I worked so hard. Often we had students looking over our shoulders at lunch break, watching us work.

Neither of us could believe we'd failed the class.

Jan stood up and said in his booming voice, "It has been an honor learning with you, and I hope I don't have to repeat the test with any of you." Besides ME, I guess?


I fantasized for a moment about what I would have said to the class: "It has been the OPPOSITE of enjoyable with you children who make it nearly impossible to learn alongside,  due to your rambuncious/respectless/inappropriate behavior. FREAKING GROW UP!"


Without a word to me Jan left the building. Would have been nice if he'd said goodbye to me, but again, he did't have much respect for me. Still, he did not deserve to fail.

***

Alone, I wandered about while the kiddies did their horseplay, roughhousing, teasing, touching each other's bodies. Some lay together on the floor in the middle of the classroom while we all waited for our results.

I couldn't even find in my memory a time when I'd experienced outright puberty in a classroom. I know none of my teachers would have allowed it.

Why was I still there? I was curious if any of the kiddies would fail. But time after time they would dance screaming happily into the room "PASS!"


Jan sat down next to me and said, "Hey, check out this behavior on the floor in front of us!"

I said, loud enough for the kids to hear, "I'm trying not to look."

Which was a flat out lie - I was actually taking photos of them. And they could not tell, because my cell phone is soooooo old. *lol*!!!









I asked my husband, a teacher, and he said, in response to my photos,

"Oh, that MIGHT happen in physical education classes!"

I said, "And your math and physics and music???"

"Not that I've seen, no."

***

I was planning my escape, until Till approached me with the fourth form of the day. He apologized and tried to speak English, unsuccessfully. He waved his arms about to help communicate: "How did you do?"

I said, "I failed"

He said, "Take your time, no hurry to fill out the forms."

Till had annoyed the teachers cuz he was always talking out of place, expressing his background and knowledge.

Today he treated me with respect. Perhaps cuz I'd gone to him with questions in the past, cuz he was so experienced.

Jan had said to me, "TILL IS AN AMATEUR!" Don't trust him, he's just a know it all!

I was annoyed with so many forms, but I cannot dislike Till...it was the first time he ever spoke to me and he did so politely.

There was a day we all laughed, cuz Till forgot to place his name card on in front of him. The teacher, also in his 20s, called him Kevin all day long. Hilarious! It took me a while to figure out why that name is insulting. Then I remembered that the movie Home Alone, in Germany, is called "Kevin at home alone." Then the other students called him Kevin, and he flipped them off.

***

After waiting for hours I walked to reception, to Katrin.

Her eyes filled with tears when she saw me, "I saw you passed the written, I knew you'd pass the hands-on, but you didn't!"

I couldn't help it, my eyes filled with tears at her empathy for me.

"I'm so sorry, I wanted you to pass, I was so stressed this weekend, hoping you and Jan would."

She touched my arm, "Please call, please set up a follow up, you can do it."

I said, "Hey, I passed the hard part, thankfully."

My failure had hurt her - making it feel even worse.

She said I am invited to come back to the next class anytime to practice, and again invited on Nov 4th, another 80-Euro-extra Saturday hands-on day.

Zaphira told Jan and I during our conference, "If you two had come to the hands-on day yesterday, you would have passed this class." Um.....

Jan and I had decided that it was kind of mean of them to need an extra 80 Euros for an extra day, and that we'd practice at lunch all week, and spend Saturday studying the book. I doubt we would have done our two life-threatening exercises any differently, though.

"Katrin, I will return, Nov 5. Goodbye." 

I did not say goodbye to anyone else, I just slipped out of the building, trying not to cry, but mostly relieved to be DONE with that.

Nov 5th I'll go re-take the test and roll that dice again. I'll be ready for any number this time, because in the next few weeks I plan on going to the Wuppertal ambulance station and practicing there, where I took my first aid class. J has a friend there who I know will help me out.

He already ordered me a pair of medic shoes, such confidence!

Now to clean this place up....


One of my favorite (unstaged) photos by Germany's favorite horse photographer - Boiselle. It's called, "5 Arabian stallions."