It seems to reveal a repetition of an error in my life. But the circumstances are different, so I can forgive myself.
Can I train a horse to enjoy being in the woods? Not Tolima.
How could I have "learned my lesson" to be forced to relearn it again 8 years later?
I remember taking this photo - it was our first day together. She was in a new barn, overwhelmed, and all I had to hold onto her with was a silly 4 foot lead line with a panic snap to the halter. (German lead ropes mostly have panic snaps to attach to halters, and they are much shorter than American lead ropes. So I would often grab the snap and let her loose in the process. Soon after I had her in a rope halter and 10 foot line, the same one I use today that Tami gave me.)
How could I have not learned my lesson? I defend myself by realizing that Mara is mine. My second horse. My dreamed-of independent mare. My mare with the perfect legs and hooves, and the best topline. And manners that came quickly. A willingness to please I'd never experienced before. "What can I do for you" is her constant question under saddle (when she's in her comfort zone).
I didn't exactly repeat my error, because I have been attempting to learn to love her. The Thoroughbred, no love there. Tolima was a challenge, and the chance to be around horses while Baasha was still in America. And honestly, being part of a friendly little barn in Wuppertal was great fun. A huge learning experience for me, how German barns work.
Saiph wrote me today, "Have you ever gone back in your blog to watch your observations of your new horse over time?"
Yes, but I also went to my LiveJournal blog which I started in 2001. I cannot link it directly here because back then I was not careful with information, because only a handful of my friends in Seattle read it. But I can quote it now.
Backstory: As I moved to this country, I was desperate to ride a horse, waiting on the arrival of Baasha. I quickly got a lease horse from a friend of my man, a horse fanatic and daredevil rider (who I rode with again in Wuppertal last Summer with Mara, what a wonderful day!).
I was disappointed when I saw how little I'd blogged about her in the 6 months I rode her (I rode her three times weekly). Obviously I was writing my blog for my few friends back home, and not a horsey audience. So here is what I have..
Oh, she was so pretty. Those ears with the grey inside, and elegant head! She was a female Black Beauty. In this photo you can see her horsey license around her neck. She also is wearing a luxurious Christ lambswool pad. And a martingale because trying to ride without it, well, she was the only stargazer I'd ever ridden, so you'd better just keep it on!
Jan 2008
I spent 3.5 hours tonight training the mare. That's time, not distance. Distance was a lot lot less, because we basically went in circles. Actually an arc, but anyway. Tolima had a few meltdowns with me, a few skyward bounds, a few "I refuse to eat your carrot you aggravating human!" which was new. *sigh* The good news is, I have a well organized plan, and dangit I'm not gonna give up helping this horse become a functioning member of horse society! There was some sort of weird stalemate out there in the woods tonight, with both of us seething with 12 feet of rope between us. Reprogramming is way harder than programming. The lessons I'm learning and the patience I'm going to have to learn, Lord help me keep what I'm getting out of this!
Feb 2008
today was 15 degrees or so, and i rode the horse with no jacket for the first time. it was the oddest feeling, i kept thinking i'd forgotten something important. although she has improved in a lot of ways, i'm not sure i can ever succeed in making her into a trail horse. she simply hates being out there in the woods. strange, most horses prefer that to going in circles in the arena. but not her. she's starting to get dangerous, and i'm thinking i'm going to get hurt. if i don't find a new strategy that shows me results, i'm gonna have to give up. but the other two people who ride her (incl. her owner) are losing control of her out there, and she's broken her 4th piece of equipment this week. i'm starting to think professional help may be in order. it's beginning to feel like spring here, and she's gained back enough weight to feel really good, but the downside is she's a ticking time bomb thoroughbred. i haven't fallen off her yet, and she hasn't succeeded in running away with me yet, but i'm also really good at jumping off of her back with lightning speed. unfortunately this does not help her learn to behave, when i "man the life pod." what to do.......
April 2008
it was nothing less than cathartic for me yesterday, as i rode galim for the first time in 6 weeks, and since he lives at home now, i rode him for the first time in the same woods where i would normally ride tolima.
oh, i forgot to mention that i officially gave up on the mare this month. after being away so long, and seeing that no one rode her out the entire time, i realized it might be "problematic" to take her out into the woods. but as any good animal trainer would do, i gave her the benefit of the doubt and expected her to be a good girl. leider Gottes, she was totally nuts. as soon as we were headed toward home, she went totally crazy. airborn. i tried my best, and utterly failed. it was a very black feeling, as she fought me, the acceptance that it's just not gonna work. all my efforts would be for naught, if she puts me in the hospital. i knew this was where i was headed. i remember standing next to her as she trembled in anxiety, her brain was miles away, i pet her and said "i'm done with you."
it was a really rough telephone call, with her owner. she tried to give me alternatives, "ride her in the arena! she's good at that." i said, "if i were looking for a dressage horse, i'd be happy with that. but that's not my thing. my thing is exploring - my thing is *kilometers*."
so i hooked up with the little arab again, galim, baasha's german egyptian cousin: ) his owner is very practical. "come ride my horse. he won't injure you, and you can have fun."
the thing is, she moved him back home this month, to the same neighborhood woods that i traversed so many times with the mare. and thus my emotional cleansing last night. she rode her endurance horse sharif, and i was on galim, the semi-retired endurance horse.
i rode that litle arab over no less than 15 trail segments where tolima and i had struggled together the past 6 months. every time we rode thru a trouble spot, i couldn't help but notice how little trouble i was having with him. in fact, we were literally racing each other at a canter up a particular trail - a trail i call "hopelessness", and i was beaming with joy as i remembered what riding could be, when you trust a horse, when your horse obeys your directions, and there is an understanding between horse and rider that allows you to become as one being as you fly over the landscape.
then came the point where we turned toward home, and galim came back to a walk with only a shift of my weight and a little tug on his halter (no bit in his mouth). he cheerfully walked on a loose rein, looking around him at the scenery, enjoying himself immensely, like good trail horses do. i rubberneck a lot too, enjoying springtime in germany, and the creative ways people have dressed up their gardens in colors. galim knew he was going home, but he did not start a battle with me, nor attempt to run away with me.
i will not perpetuate the stereotype that all thoroughbreds are crazy. but when you pay so much money per month to ride, it shouldn't be so strenuous, and dangerous.
I learned so much from Tolima. You cannot teach some horses to enjoy trails. She was NEVER SCARED out there, please understand that. She just hated it and would whip around toward home anytime possible. Bringing another horse along was just another obstacle for her to slip over/past, to get home as fast as possible. She put two people in the hospital trying to just get home.
I learned what people say when they mean the Thoroughbred courage. She was never afraid of anything. She never spooked. It was amazing to me, after all these Arabians.
I very methodically did every single thing advised to retrain a barn sour horse. I can assure you I did everything for 6 months.
Tolima died a couple years ago. Her owner saw me in church and told me. She also said, "You were right. After you left, I had a professional come and tell me that my horse could never be happy on trails, she just didn't want to be out there. You were right."
I didn't want to be right. I wanted to fix her.
I had learned a lesson I'll never forget. But that doesn't mean I would give up so quickly on the second horse of my lifetime.
12 comments:
Sigh.
I remember saying (in print) that I had only two deal breakers for selecting an endurance horse:
1. A horse with bad or damaged feet or legs. Backs can get stronger, toplines can improve, and so forth, but I refuse to battle with weak legs or constant abscesses.
2. A horse who hates trails. They aren't common. I don't understand how anyone can hate trails. But then, many people can't understand how I can hate going to the mall. Making me go to the mall all the time will never get me to love going to the mall.
So, there's that.
Aarene, how uncommon is it? 2%? Like you, I feel the majority of horses prefer the open. But I've been wrong, once before.
I love your mall analogy. I've never been to Southcenter with you but did you know, they have an IMAX theater now? Like, at the mall? What a world!
And last time I was at Southcenter, my mom and sister expertly showed me how to scavenge free food samples til we were full. I was in awe, and so full of yummy free food!
Yeah, Aarene's mall analogy is perfect. I hate going to the mall too and the more I go, the more I hate it. I had never thought about horses that way. I guess sometimes we think we are desensitizing them to what makes them nervous, but it comes across to the horse more like they are being forced to practice the violin for hours on end each day and there is nothing to do but rebel.
But it can even be more specific than just a place. For instance, Bombay is unpredictable and dangerous when I ride him on the trails, so I only ride him in the arena now, because he can behave himself there. However, he's really happy when I lead him out on the trails, so it's not the trails in his case. It's specifically carrying a rider on the trails that turns him into a monster. I could say it's just me -- that I'm a horrible rider, but he's bad whenever anyone rides him on the trails.
Very interesting. I do ride a second lease horse who I swear hates the trail. She is happy inside the arena and outside in the jump and dressage arena. But take her on the trail she is bored and terrified at the same time. We got her over the terrified part..but I can tell she does not enjoy it. People tell me that it is my perception and a horse who doesn't like the trails does not exist. But why wouldn't it. I don't like to go hiking either...
It would be easy if Mara was a mean horse with a sinister disposition. . . But it seems that she has the opposite personality. I feel bad for her, it must be awful to be afraid (reasonably or not) of so many things. She does seem to really want to please you and do a good job. What happened to this sweet and affectionate mare before you got her that makes her behave like she does? The million dollar question. Even if you knew the answer, I wonder if her issues are fixable. I think she needs a horse psychic. :/
I don't know how common it is but I'd guess more than 2% based on my experience. I've had five horses and two of them (Starman - a QH for Pete's sake - and Lucy) hate trails.
All, I guess my experiences with horses have been limited to mostly the types that love trails, so I find it difficult to grasp that "so many" do not. That's what's great about blogging - immediately I get a lot of anecdotes correcting my perception.
NM, your musical instrument analogy is so good - for me it was the piano. Every day of my life, the dreaded 30 minutes. Eventually I won - I refused to improve, and it drove my parents crazy. Unlike Bombay, Mara has fear reactions outside her pasture even when I'm on the ground. Even in her pasture, like when a little girl walked by one day singing and playing with her cell phone. That was too much for Mara to handle.
Conny, you don't like hiking, and you're German!!?
Kbryan, the horse psychic has crossed my mind: )
Annette, Starman was a QH!
Lytha, I really think that some horses just have a ticky boom in their brains that can make them mentally unstable, just like humans and dogs. Khanalee's mother was half QH, half Arabian. His sire, Klagetoh, was a son of Khemosabi. Klagetoh could be hot and spooky, but Khanalee's dam's spookiness was more of a ticky-boom, and Khanalee had it. I worked a lot with him on his spookiness, but I never really took him trail riding off the property. I think he would have been sorta ok in the company of other horses, but there was just something unstable about his brain. Bless his wonderful heart, he did try and got so much better with age. I could ride him in the neighbor's back pasture by himself. After his pasture mate and best bud had to be put down from old age cushings, Khanalee adjusted very well. But he was older. I think Mara may have some kind of inherent ticky boom that is getting worse with age, a mental instability that is just there, no matter how much you work with her. Lytha, it is not you.
Kittybo, I love hearing about Khanalee so much. And thank you for trying to comfort me in this negative time. Wish you were here - planning any trips to Europe in the future??
Ha! I wish. I assure you if I could, I'd find a good horse and bring it with me.
Just thinking about the Arabian horse and how modern breeders have changed them, I cannot help but think that this ticky boom is the result if modern breeding. The earlier native Arabian horses didn't look at all like the later ones bred by Europeans and Americans. After all, they had to be ridden to battle, which took a bold horse. But typically, when bred for show, someone decided to start breeding for hotness because it gave them an exotic flare, and which brought spookiness with it. Breeding for this could only doom subsequent generations.
I've blown through 7 horses in 7 years, trying to find that one. I wanted a dead head horse like just likes to plod around and maybe canter once in a while...nope, haven't found it. I gave up. I have one horse that is able to be ridden and one horse that got EPM almost 3 years ago when we were just training him to ride. He will never be ridden now. The one horse that is able to be ridden...I sent to a trainer for a refresher last spring, got him back, was able to ride him 3 times (he's perfect to me) and haven't been able to ride him since. I lost my safe place to ride (I won't ride on the roads here as people drive way too fast) and I just don't have time to trailer him to any other safe places. I have given up. They are just my big pets now. They are 8 and 6 now.
Wow Tolima sounds like she was a total nightmare on the trails.... I'm glad Mara isn't that bad!!!
I'm still curious if there are drugs for horses with anxiety disorders like there are for people and dogs. Since she is the way she is even in her pasture I really think it's anxiety. It doesn't matter where I am, even at home, my anxiety can make me crazy, but other times I'm totally calm. It comes and goes. :( I hope you can figure something out with her, but if it were me I would just move on. I don't have the time or energy to want to deal with all of that (not to mention my anxious personality does NOT mesh with a horse with the same personality). You have a lot more drive and determination that I do though. You've stuck with Mara a lot longer than most people would have. I just want you to enjoy riding again. I don't want it to always be a battle.
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