Tolima

This may be very frustrating to read, it certainly was for me. 

It seems to reveal a repetition of an error in my life. But the circumstances are different, so I can forgive myself.

Can I train a horse to enjoy being in the woods? Not Tolima.

How could I have "learned my lesson" to be forced to relearn it again 8 years later?





I remember taking this photo - it was our first day together. She was in a new barn, overwhelmed, and all I had to hold onto her with was a silly 4 foot lead line with a panic snap to the halter. (German lead ropes mostly have panic snaps to attach to halters, and they are much shorter than American lead ropes. So I would often grab the snap and let her loose in the process. Soon after I had her in a rope halter and 10 foot line, the same one I use today that Tami gave me.)

How could I have not learned my lesson? I defend myself by realizing that Mara is mine. My second horse. My dreamed-of independent mare. My mare with the perfect legs and hooves, and the best topline. And manners that came quickly. A willingness to please I'd never experienced before. "What can I do for you" is her constant question under saddle (when she's in her comfort zone).

I didn't exactly repeat my error, because I have been attempting to learn to love her. The Thoroughbred, no love there. Tolima was a challenge, and the chance to be around horses while Baasha was still in America. And honestly, being part of a friendly little barn in Wuppertal was great fun. A huge learning experience for me, how German barns work.

Saiph wrote me today, "Have you ever gone back in your blog to watch your observations of your new horse over time?"

Yes, but I also went to my LiveJournal blog which I started in 2001. I cannot link it directly here because back then I was not careful with information, because only a handful of my friends in Seattle read it. But I can quote it now.

Backstory: As I moved to this country, I was desperate to ride a horse, waiting on the arrival of Baasha. I quickly got a lease horse from a friend of my man, a horse fanatic and daredevil rider (who I rode with again in Wuppertal last Summer with Mara, what a wonderful day!).

I was disappointed when I saw how little I'd blogged about her in the 6 months I rode her (I rode her three times weekly). Obviously I was writing my blog for my few friends back home, and not a horsey audience. So here is what I have..





Oh, she was so pretty. Those ears with the grey inside, and elegant head! She was a female Black Beauty. In this photo you can see her horsey license around her neck. She also is wearing a luxurious Christ lambswool pad. And a martingale because trying to ride without it, well, she was the only stargazer I'd ever ridden, so you'd better just keep it on!


Jan 2008

I spent 3.5 hours tonight training the mare. That's time, not distance. Distance was a lot lot less, because we basically went in circles. Actually an arc, but anyway. Tolima had a few meltdowns with me, a few skyward bounds, a few "I refuse to eat your carrot you aggravating human!" which was new. *sigh* The good news is, I have a well organized plan, and dangit I'm not gonna give up helping this horse become a functioning member of horse society! There was some sort of weird stalemate out there in the woods tonight, with both of us seething with 12 feet of rope between us. Reprogramming is way harder than programming. The lessons I'm learning and the patience I'm going to have to learn, Lord help me keep what I'm getting out of this! 

Feb 2008

today was 15 degrees or so, and i rode the horse with no jacket for the first time. it was the oddest feeling, i kept thinking i'd forgotten something important. although she has improved in a lot of ways, i'm not sure i can ever succeed in making her into a trail horse. she simply hates being out there in the woods. strange, most horses prefer that to going in circles in the arena. but not her. she's starting to get dangerous, and i'm thinking i'm going to get hurt. if i don't find a new strategy that shows me results, i'm gonna have to give up. but the other two people who ride her (incl. her owner) are losing control of her out there, and she's broken her 4th piece of equipment this week.  i'm starting to think professional help may be in order. it's beginning to feel like spring here, and she's gained back enough weight to feel really good, but the downside is she's a ticking time bomb thoroughbred. i haven't fallen off her yet, and she hasn't succeeded in running away with me yet, but i'm also really good at jumping off of her back with lightning speed. unfortunately this does not help her learn to behave, when i "man the life pod." what to do.......

April 2008

it was nothing less than cathartic for me yesterday, as i rode galim for the first time in 6 weeks, and since he lives at home now, i rode him for the first time in the same woods where i would normally ride tolima.

oh, i forgot to mention that i officially gave up on the mare this month. after being away so long, and seeing that no one rode her out the entire time, i realized it might be "problematic" to take her out into the woods. but as any good animal trainer would do, i gave her the benefit of the doubt and expected her to be a good girl. leider Gottes, she was totally nuts. as soon as we were headed toward home, she went totally crazy. airborn. i tried my best, and utterly failed. it was a very black feeling, as she fought me, the acceptance that it's just not gonna work. all my efforts would be for naught, if she puts me in the hospital. i knew this was where i was headed. i remember standing next to her as she trembled in anxiety, her brain was miles away, i pet her and said "i'm done with you."

it was a really rough telephone call, with her owner. she tried to give me alternatives, "ride her in the arena! she's good at that." i said, "if i were looking for a dressage horse, i'd be happy with that. but that's not my thing. my thing is exploring - my thing is *kilometers*."

so i hooked up with the little arab again, galim, baasha's german egyptian cousin: ) his owner is very practical. "come ride my horse. he won't injure you, and you can have fun."

the thing is, she moved him back home this month, to the same neighborhood woods that i traversed so many times with the mare. and thus my emotional cleansing last night. she rode her endurance horse sharif, and i was on galim, the semi-retired endurance horse.

i rode that litle arab over no less than 15 trail segments where tolima and i had struggled together the past 6 months. every time we rode thru a trouble spot, i couldn't help but notice how little trouble i was having with him. in fact, we were literally racing each other at a canter up a particular trail - a trail i call "hopelessness", and i was beaming with joy as i remembered what riding could be, when you trust a horse, when your horse obeys your directions, and there is an understanding between horse and rider that allows you to become as one being as you fly over the landscape.

then came the point where we turned toward home, and galim came back to a walk with only a shift of my weight and a little tug on his halter (no bit in his mouth). he cheerfully walked on a loose rein, looking around him at the scenery, enjoying himself immensely, like good trail horses do. i rubberneck a lot too, enjoying springtime in germany, and the creative ways people have dressed up their gardens in colors. galim knew he was going home, but he did not start a battle with me, nor attempt to run away with me.
 
i will not perpetuate the stereotype that all thoroughbreds are crazy. but when you pay so much money per month to ride, it shouldn't be so strenuous, and dangerous.

I learned so much from Tolima. You cannot teach some horses to enjoy trails. She was NEVER SCARED out there, please understand that. She just hated it and would whip around toward home anytime possible. Bringing another horse along was just another obstacle for her to slip over/past, to get home as fast as possible. She put two people in the hospital trying to just get home.

I learned what people say when they mean the Thoroughbred courage. She was never afraid of anything. She never spooked. It was amazing to me, after all these Arabians.

I very methodically did every single thing advised to retrain a barn sour horse. I can assure you I did everything for 6 months.

Tolima died a couple years ago. Her owner saw me in church and told me. She also said, "You were right. After you left, I had a professional come and tell me that my horse could never be happy on trails, she just didn't want to be out there. You were right."

I didn't want to be right. I wanted to fix her.

I had learned a lesson I'll never forget. But that doesn't mean I would give up so quickly on the second horse of my lifetime.