I rode today for about 3 minutes. The last time I rode was Easter week, and I had such a bad time I lost all motivation to ride the horse.
In March I built a little "roundpen" in a not-so-steeply-sloped part of my field. It's extremely slick if it's rained at all, but we've had a bit of a dry spell so it's fine, but not safe for cantering. When the weather (footing) permits I've been taking her up there (clear across my pasture, quite a trek) and lunging her until she's calm. It's really, really hard to get her calm up there. Also, it's a subject of controversy whether horses should be worked in their fields, because some believe it's not fair to make them work where they play. I don't agree, but I know Baasha was nearly impossile to ride in his pasture his entire life - he would crow hop or just bounce around saying, "Weeeeee, this is my place, let me show you what I do here!"
Monday she finally stopped spooking up there in the pen, and was able to be calm almost the entire 15 or 20 minutes we were there. I felt encouraged. However, Monday I took her for a walk on a nearby trail and she was gasping for air again, and her heart was pounding out of her chest for reasons unknown to me. I was enjoying nature - a hawk was on a low branch above us quite close, and the ponds were flowing into each other. No one else was out there, it was lovely. To me, not to the horse.
Today I had moved the wheelbarrow and when she saw it in a different location, she fruck out. She froze up and refused to go near it, snorting and pointing at it. I couldn't believe our own wheelbarrow could scare her.
Later on, the donkey snorted and Mara startled, a full body twitch. I have seen her spook at the donkey's snorting before, and it makes me really worry about Mara's brain, that such a normal part of her life startles her. Have any of you ever seen a horse startle at another horse snorting?
Today I got the urge to be on a horse again so I took her to the pen and lunged her a bit. She behaved almost as badly as she does at the nice arena in our neighborhood. She started tossing her head and shaking it as if trying to remove her bridle. That's not new, but it's a sign of stress. I worked on walk trot transitions for a very long time until she started to calm down. She was crowhopping as if she had a crupper on, but she did not. I couldn't figure out if there was something physical bothering her, or if she was just stressed. I thought, great day to ride...
I kept my energy level down low but Mara would unexpectedly surge forward and trip over the lumpy footing and scare herself. She had a really hard time just walking but finally she could.
I asked her to stop and stand still several times on the lunge, which she did well.
Finally I called the donkey over and invited her into the pen. I knew having the donkey in there would give us something to think about.
It took a couple tries for her to hold still for me to get on, but she did, and held still for me for a little while, but it was hard for her. I let her walk forward and she started head tossing and I felt a wave of nervousness. Oh no, I don't need this, why am I nervous? It must be that we're in our field, and I was remembering how Baasha used to act when I'd jump on him in his field.
But then I pointed her at the donkey and asked her to push the donkey around, herding her, but being careful to not put too much pressure on the donkey because I don't want Mara to get kicked. That got us both relaxed. I asked her for some turns on her haunches in both directions, some serpentines, and then asked her to just stand still for a while, which she did. Then she very responsively backed up when I asked, and I was so pleased I praised her and jumped off. She had cookie foam all over her mouth.
I guess I need to do a lot more in that little pen before I try to ride there again, because she's still not calm there.
It's been exactly 2 years and I've run out of motivation for the most part. It's the strangest thing to not want to ride.
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21 comments:
Hey, glad to see your blog is back! Sorry about the goofy horse, sounds super frustrating. Love the posts & photos of horses from the past, Baasha, Mac & Buttercup all looked amazing. (if you set your blog to private again could I still read it? This is 2punkdogs@charter.net)
I'm glad your post is back to open also. I feel connected to you.
1. I'm a Washington Native and also lived in W. Seattle, now currently in Olympia.
2. I feel your horse pain. I had a horse once that was "too much horse for me".
Coming from a stranger, take this in the kindest way it is meant.
I feel you should buy a horse that you enjoy and can ride, one that is more laid back and not hyper aware. You don't want to ride because it is not enjoyable. I have been reading your blog for quite awhile and you give your horse every opportunity to be a good horse. I think it is time to find a horse for you to enjoy. It's not failure, every horse is not meant for everyone. And it dose not mean you are not a good horse person. You are. Best wishes, Carol
2 PD, I won't make it private again without making it easy for people like you to read it: ) I'm so glad you enjoyed the stories from my past.
Carol, Please tell me more about yourself and where you lived in my home city/state. I was at the Admiral Junction the 4 years before coming to Germany, and when I was born I lived down by Alki. In the interim I lived in South Park and near Sea Tac. (OK and 1st hill, Beacon hill, Ballard, the U district...) I appreciate what you said, and I couldn't be offended. The phrase "too much horse" ---- well, I always thought that would describe a dangerous horse. So I don't consider my horse "too much" - just troubled and with balking her go-to plan. She never does anything dangerous with me, so I don't want my family to worry even though she's got issues, and like you said, "not enjoyable."
I'm really pleased you're back too! Helen, your reader from BaWü (who doesn't know anybody you are talking about!:))
My horse that was "too much" was also a good kind horse. but he was very large 17+ hands. My dream dressage mover. I couldn't sit even a little spook on him. I just wasn't the rider for him.
I now have a 15'3 cross breed. I won't get the same movement scores, but she is better suited to me.
I just think a different horse for you would be more enjoyable. That's the whole point of riding is to enjoy and have fun and if desired work on skills. I lived on Admiral Way and also Alki on the beach. Ballard, U district, Fremont...yup, know them. Now I live in Olympia, travel locally to schooling shows and lessons. I ride Capital forest it least 3 week-ends a month and camp there sometimes. I've done a few competitive Obstacle trail Rides and Mounted Orienting rides. I liked the mounted Orienting rides, but did not enjoy the timed part of it. too many rude riders racing up behind and past me. Take care, and best wishes.
I have always loved your stories. I am actually a German living in the states ;)
I did not know the head shaking is a sign of stress (I am a super amateur rider) but I do have a lease horse who is super spooky and tends to get freaked out when the other horse snort or cough. Sadly i have no explanation - but perhaps it helps you to know that it happens to others.
I am glad you are back, I did miss your posts. I like to hear about the animals, glad to see the cat a few posts ago. Also love the pictures of your country side. We have visited Germany three time and your town once, love the old buildings. Please keep us in formed about Mara, she sounds like a mess, I wish you would get to ride more. Maybe you will have to start riding the donkey :) Don't lose hope, it may all fall into place one day.
The way you feel with Mara reminds me so much of how I felt with Winston at the end. He seemed to be getting worse, not better, in terms of meltdowns. I completely lost my confidence and my desire to ride.
Fee HATES to be ridden in her own pasture. I do it anyway, sometimes but it makes her mad.
I just wish I could send you some of the nice ponies I saw at the ride last weekend. Sigh.
Reading Carol's post, I agree that Mara isn't "too much horse" in terms of danger...but I am leaning towards "not a good match" in terms of comfort. When I got Fee, she was awful (a biter, a kicker, just a nasty character) but I felt SAFE on her back. And I never felt that kind of safety from the Toad. And feeling more safe made me more inclined to have fun.
Last weekend, powering down the trail at a strong trot in the dark, I got confirmation: I never felt that way riding the Toad in the dark. Not ever.
It's worth hunting for, to me, and all other variables be damned. If you can't have fun, why do it?
She is like a little girl watching a horror movie. No matter how many times her parents tell her to close her eyes, she has to open them and look at monster while screaming bloody murder.
Maybe she needs to take yoga.
I am glad to be reading all your posts again, but do not like this one. I hate that you can't have fun with your horse. I think all horses at times can scare us, or be frustrating, (I'm super nervous about how my horse will be at an endurance ride this weekend) but the overall goal needs to be trust, and enjoyment. I love Aarene's story of trusting her horse.
I know none of this info is new to you, but I hope you can find a solution. Both you and Mara deserve to be happy.
Welcome back. I'm a stranger but have followed your blog for a few years. In that time I finally let go of my complicated nutty horse and got a horse that I mesh with. It was a hard decision. After riding for so many years I thought I should be able to work him through his issues. Meanwhile, I was dreading every ride. When I finally came to grips with the situation, he went to a good home. After 'breaking up' with my nutty horse I was able to find a solid little guy that was a perfect fit. I look forward to riding my horse now, which has not been true for some time.
I admire the dedication that you put into Mara. If you do decide to move on, you can do so knowing that you went above and beyond to make the relationship work. *Yes I know I am talking about horses in the same terms as a human romantic relationship, but I figure we invest so much of our time and our heart into these horses that the relationship terminology works.
I, too, am glad your blog is 'live' again. Sorry the troubles with Mara continue, but I just read a blog last night about something called 'Headshaking'. Maybe there's some insight here for you:
http://www.bakersfielddressage.com/home/what-is-headshaking
I'm also glad your blog is 'live' once again. Sorry for the continued troubles with Mara. I came across something called 'Headshaking' in a blog last night. Maybe there's something helpful for you here:
http://www.bakersfielddressage.com/home/what-is-headshaking
Sorry things did not go better with your latest ride. I know you aren't ready to give up on Mara, and I appreciate that, but would you have any interest in horse shopping again just to see what is out there? And to maybe have an enjoyable ride on another horse? Selfishly, I really enjoyed your posts about visiting different places complete with photos and descriptions of the stables and horses. That being said, I DO hope that she settles down for you. Hang in there.
I'm glad to see you back and communicating. I know as well as anyone that it is easy to go silent while you try to work through things.
From my own most recent experiences: This hobby is expensive. The *only* compensation for the kind of riding we do (or want to do) is enjoyment. If the enjoyment is gone, or always colored with worry, then you're left with all cost and no benefit.
You have some great advice here, Lytha, and I almost didn't comment because I didn't want to repeat what others have said, but here is what I see.
I've been pondering this for a while: have you gone back and read the posts from when you first started riding Mara? I've gone back and read, trying to find a hint of something that could indicate what on earth happened to this horse to make her be this way, and I feel like she has gotten worse over time. You have done *everything* right, yet she continues to worsen in her fears and behavior. Like others have said, horses are too expensive, too much work, to not be fun, to not enjoy their presence. :(
You know my story with Lily. I continued trying with her because when everything fell into place with her, I would have so much *fun*. And despite all of her insecurities in the beginning, she really tried even back then; I just didn't know how to communicate effectively with her. And once I started figuring that out, it seemed like the stars aligned to allow our journey together to continue and improve: trainers that liked my horse, friends that were willing to ride with me, access to safe, quiet trails at the barns that I could afford. For some reason, this horse was supposed to be in my life.
I see the doors slowly closing with you and Mara: the access to the arena, the difficulty in finding others to ride with, the inconsistency of the trainers available to you, the crazy amount of frightening distractions that are the norm on your trails, and Mara's own worsening behavior despite everything that you do right. It's always easier to see things more clearly from the outside, and even then, all we see is what you write on the blog...but what I see here is a Universe that is saying, "Not this one. You must let this one go." I don't know why. I don't know why you would be presented with one horse only to have to let her go. But sometimes we have to let one thing go so that another, better thing can take its place. Sometimes we are destined to go through a bad experience because it is the only way that we will get to the next, much better, experience. If I had not had not lost Cloud, I would not have had my heartbreaking experience with my neurological gelding, and in turn I never would have met Lily. One thing leads to another, you see.
This is just a step towards something better, something greater. There won't be another Baasha, but you can find a horse that you can trust. That you can love. <3
Silly Mara. My big mare does things like that too if another horse snorts, etc. The best is if I trip or stumble while leading her, or cough/sneeze while riding - she thinks I am 'spooking' and gets ready to run for her life! I talked with a 'cowboy' trainer the other weekend and he didn't feel it's a matter of desensitizing or training - while it helps, the basic fact is she just is who she is. Which makes it a matter of having a confident handler who appreciates a very sensitive horse and can focus that nervous energy. I'm not sure that's me! Is there a way you could ride or handle other horses now and then? I know that keeps it more fun for me and keeps me feeling more positive about my abilities.
Hunnenpony, I just found your blog and really enjoyed the articles you quoted about the lead mare myth. And your deerskin pad is interesting - can you tell me the difference between that and wool? Anyway your horse looks like a sweetheart!
Carol, interesting that you say such a large horse could spook so efficiently, I always thought that was a little horse trait: ) If you did Orienteering, you rode with my people! At least the old timers. I loved the small scene of CMO, the family atmosphere. But those people have very few rules for a reason, they don't like to follow etiquette/rules. It's the most fun I've ever had on horseback, that sport. And the most mentally challenging/strenuous! You live in Olympia - can you please tell me what the Mima Mounds are? Or is that still a geological mystery?
Conny, thanks for the comment about horses who spook at other horses' noises. I was so curious if mine was the only one.
Ellie, if I could train a cat, I could also train a donkey. So far, they do what they want: )
Annette, thank you for sharing that. It's not an easy topic.
Aarene, That Fiddle doesn't like to be ridden/worked in her pasture too does back up that theory that it's not optimal to work horses there - there must be something to that. I honestly never knew you weren't secure on B's back. After so many miles!
ABS, wish you were here to observe her yourself, she'd confirm what you just said.
Irish, thanks for your honesty. Major would be so good for Mara. "What's wrong with you, mare, let's go down the trail!"
NC, now I know what the word "complicated" means, that you used to describe your former horse. Glad you found one you can enjoy. I appreciate what you said about my efforts - I think we know that in slightly different circumstances, it would be so much simpler. My circumstances are perfect for me (my horse at home, trails nearby) but not for this horse.
Karen, I saw that too, but Mara's stress is not physical - it's just her anxiety. Her head shaking is not sudden like an insect bite, it's stereotypic.
Kbryan, you're so funny: ) I have been keeping my eye on horses for sale the last year, and found THREE of Mara's siblings for sale at the moment. I wonder if that is relevant to my issues.
Ruth, I wish you'd blog more often, I really enjoy all your posts. Thank you for what you said, Pragmatic Ruth: )
Saiph, I might just copy and paste your comment and make it a blog post: )
T, I assume it's Ginger who is sensitive to your sneezing/tripping? Oh that's rough. What you said about riding another horse - I only have one friend with a horse in Germany, and she would never let me ride her horse because I'm too heavy for him. Also, he's a bolter. I don't want to ride him! So you see, although I do have one person who is willing to ride out with me and Mara (only in Summer, she doesn't ride in Winter), her horse sometimes runs away with her and that's not a good influence on my horse.
I have to agree with Saiph's comment. She explains her thoughts so much better than I can. Maybe Mara was never meant to be your next forever horse? Maybe she was just there to help you through your grief? Maybe it's now time to look for your next forever horse? I agree with everyone else that horses are too expensive and dangerous and life is too short to keep trying with a horse we don't enjoy. The fact that she has made you not want to ride screams that it is time to move on to me... *hugs*
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