The day Lytha lost it

I've been here a long time and I've dealt with this for 12 years and tonight I just couldn't take it anymore.

You know, if you were raised in America, it's impolite to stare. But in Germany, somehow, kids grow up exempt from this and spend their lives staring at people.

Everywhere you go, you are stared at, with long extended, gaping jawed stares. No matter what you look like. Seriously. It's in all the forums and all the ex-pat YouTuber vlogs I follow. "Do I have something stuck in my teeth?" "Did I forget to put pants on?" and such, from Americans living in Germany.

You kind of get used to it but tonight I couldn't take its intensity anymore.

I wanted a romantic night out at a restaurant. When was the last time? We can't remember. Greek. So, I made a reservation. I put on makeup, jewelery, and a dress!!!!! No mud at all anywhere.

Unfortunately Sunday is busy and they stuck us in the "communal" room which is a wall-length bench with individual 2-seater tables every meter or so. So....nearly knocking your elbows with strangers on both sides.

As expected in this situation, I greeted my neighbors politely as we sat down.

Typical Germans, they stopped what they were doing to stare at us - and I mean really give us the peering rundown of our appearance, accent, and apparently the fact that I'd worn a dress and not muddy breeches did not affect the intensity/length of the staring.

I was so annoyed I just started talking about it to J. "So, what are we doing that is so fascinating that this couple cannot take their eyes off us, neither one of them?"

To be clear, they were our age or slightly older, the man was starting to go grey.

They literally had their mouths open as if we were not humans, but something else.

I saw that they'd finished eating so I assured J, out loud, "They seem to be done so we shouldn't have to deal with this staring much longer." I said that in English. Their mouths did not lessen in opennness.

Finally our waiter came to take our order and as I said, in German, "I'd like Mousakka" the couple were leaning on the edges of their chairs to listen to me, and peering into my eyes as if they were the ones taking my order. I was some sort of freak show to them. PFFT.

The waiter did not get my accent and said, "Excuse me?" and that gave me the chance to look into the eyes of the greying-haired neighbor sitting not 3 feet from me and say,

"WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME?"

I was not giving up this staring war, and I won it. Eventually he gazed down at his empty plate.

Then I ordered and that was it. We had a nice meal, very good Greek food, reasonably priced (40 for 2 including free bread, salad, and a shot of Ouzo).

On the way home I asked my husband, "So? You've never seen me react to people staring before. What do you think?"

He said, "You should use the formal language."

WHY? I'm yelling at someone!

"Cuz you're not respected if you talk to him informally, regardless of the topic."

I have to respect him?

"You will be heard better if you use the formal language, no matter what."

*sulk*

OK then.

I really don't know if I'll ever learn the nuance of yelling at someone while at the same time using formal language with the jerk. We'll see. I've been here 12 years. I could learn.

Below, an American vlogger talks about it. Put it on 1.5 speed cuz she speaks slow cuz it's a language learning vlog.




Staring Germans discussion forum link