The cerebral hypoxia patient

Working in the ICU is totally different from the ER (who knew) and I already like it much more. There are no surprises, so less stress. 2 patients per nurse per shift!

But our first patient was a guy my own age with brain-death.

I flashed back to the ICU in Seattle as a friend of mine suffered the same (different cause) and was being kept warm to donate his organs, so we could say goodbye to him. He was so warm.

Herr W was also so warm, and so healthy looking, it was extremely difficult for me to be there.

His eyes were taped shut to keep them from drying out, he had artificial food (sorry, no idea in English) and both a vein and artery catheter. His breathing, through a stoma, was regulated by a machine set at intervals between CPAP and BiPAP.

Disturbingly to me, at one point the nurses switched the ventilator to a low enough setting to "test" whether he would breathe on his own. I know nothing about this and wasn't going to be rude and ask my million questions. Then second shift began, and the new nurse went in and switched him to BiPAP which offers much more support, she said, because he was failing.

What I found interesting was that every single time we did anything with him, the nurses would speak to him as if he could hear. "We're going to raise your bed up, don't be surprised by it!" and "We're going to turn you to the left, OK?" However they did not tell him they were going to take away his ventilator and see if he can breathe. The nurse said to me, "He's lazy today." LAZY!? Not being able to breathe can be called laziness? 

Herr W, where are you? Do you hear us?

I rested my hand on his arm, so warm. My nurse said, "There's no chance, he'll never wake up."

And then he carefully combed Herr W's hair (he explained the hair care is important because hair can be a cushion for the skin). I asked about dental care and we did it together, but the patient had his jaw clenched shut so it was hard. He'd also flex his hands if you tried to lay them out, and his feet.

I emptied my first German catheter and basically kept an eye on him all day. Sometimes it seemed he was looking at me. He looked like he could just jump up at any second, he looked so healthy.

He's been there 11 days like that.

At noon his wife and mother arrived and I was overwhelmed. 

The worst thing of all, for me, is how it happened. I had to ask twice because I didn't believe it at first.

He choked on food after drinking alcohol, and apparently was alone and no one found him until it was too late.

He's dying because of THAT!? He's only lived half a life! His poor wife, her eyes met mine, and I am so curious what will happen next, but I suppose I know.