November

Sunday was the day of the dead in Germany, and for the first time, I bought those grave candles, which are placed on graves all year, but mostly in November. You can drive by a cemetery at night here and the entire thing is glowing with red lights.

Stupid American incompetency - I could not get those things to stay lit, and we live in a hole, not a hilltop. WTH. I cannot count the times I went out to re-light them. They were all individual, for the loved ones I've lost recently. Way too many all of a sudden, and so I just lit them in my house.

Then I realized I was being poisoned...so I relented and only lit one at a time in the house.

Whatever, I have lost too many in November, and recently. My horse, my FiL, J's Opa, beloved Popoki, and my aunt is always in mind this time of year, whenever Pearl Harbor comes.






Weiss du noch, wie's war
Kinderzeit, wunderbar
Die Welt ist bunt und schoen
Bis du irgendwann begreifst
Dass nicht jeder Abscheid heisst
Es gibt noch ein Wiedersehen

But when we are believers, we can handle this, death has no purchase.

Just...I've lost so many. I pray for their families every day, I cannot imagine how they manage without R, E, C, those are just my friends, not my family....

The song reminds me of the saying, "Childhood is the realm where no one dies."  And, sorry, but when Data said to Picard, "Captain, I don't know why, but I feel badly for me, for my loss, and not for Tasha, who died." To which Picard assured him, "You're right to feel that way."


I washed his face in warm water after forcing him to eat for the last time, doing my best to make him live, when he didn't want to anymore. He was 97. I did not cry at the funeral. I'd already done so. But I could not look at my husband's face.


Hate November.