I PASSED!

Thursday I was doing my chores outside and J came to the gate, "You are invited to a hands-on practice day in Dortmund tomorrow, and to take the practical (hands-on) test again on Saturday."

I have to decide now? That's not very German.  I had been given dates for practice and test, in November.

But this would be a better option, the stuff is still pretty fresh in my head.

The tests costs 100Euros, and if I fail it again, I will have to take the entire class again. How humiliating, and expensive. Ugh.

I told him to tell Zaphira I'd be there.

The reason I was invited early, was my partner Jan needs to pass the class for his job ASAP.

So when I saw him in the hallway, and I saw he was not expecting to see me, I said, "Hey Jan. I'm here cuz of you."

He had no idea, and had another partner from our failed class, Jonas. I felt kind of left out by them all day, but I was determined to make the most of it, and I absolutely refused to do any exercise without a teacher watching. Which was a pain, cuz everyone wanted the teachers. But it's no good to practice if you're doing it wrong.

I was frustrated when I wanted to practice blood sugar and both Jan and Jonas shook their heads no at me, they refused to let me practice on them. I told them, "That is not very helpful of you."

But I got a teacher to sit down with me, and a very kind stranger too, so I got lots of practice.

I was most afraid of the IV exercise, because I'd literally never practiced the entire routine until this day.

And I practiced the dang helmet removal THREE TIMES because that is why I failed the course last time.

I'd also gone to Wuppertal to practice there, and learned what I'd done wrong, why I'd deserved to fail the class.

After a full day of practice, I went home completely insecure. Because although I'd done all I could do, I knew that a detail could fail me again, and I had no idea which details these people are watching for - all these people have different expectations, and every teacher does every task slightly differently. It's as if we're set up to fail. I felt I had a 50/50 chance of passing.

***

Today at 4:30 my alarm went off and it's pretty easy to get up at that hour if you are 1. going to an endurance ride or 2. going to one of the most stressful tests of my life.

J couldn't sleep, he was so stressed for me.

I almost couldn't drive. It was still nighttime, the Autobahns were free, but I kept getting cramps in my arms from holding the wheel so tight.

When I arrived Jan smiled at me, "You scared?"

I lied, "No, I'm good."

HA! My hands were soaking wet from fear.

The wait was the worst part. Isn't it always?

Because Jan had to be Jonas' partner before he was my partner - there were only three of us repeating our failed tests. And I was gracious and said, "You can go first."

Jonas was so stressed he lay on the carpet with his arms over his face.

Then they left me alone in the hallway, and I couldn't sit, I couldn't eat the food that arrived, fresh from the bakery, I didn't think I could sign my name so I started drawing repeating vine patterns on the blue glove boxes. People kept walking by, inquiring, and I'd say, "Nerves. I'm drawing patterns to calm myself." I drew on 3 of the 4 boxes, completely covering them in vines, before it was my turn.

My legs hardly worked. My brain was frozen. I couldn't think about any of the exercises, cuz it was too late to mentally rehearse.

JUST DO THE CPR.

If I could just do the CPR, the physical work of it would help me settle down.

Jan shouted at me as always, "Do not get stressed. We have to COMMUNICATE, and LOUDLY, not quietly like you talk."

Ugh. He's always using that tone with me.

I picked up the Defib and suction thingy and stared at the carpet taking long breaths.

Jan followed me with the O2 and what is the English word for medic kit that looks like fluorescent luggage?

The teacher smiled at me as we entered, I signed my name, and he set the timer. You have 90 seconds to get everything set up and O2 flowing. Jan and I are FAST, but maybe too fast.

Zaphira told Jan to slow down, it's not a race.

He did his normal shouting-type narration of what he was doing.

We were in perfect synchrony and made no mistakes - every time the Defib shouted at us, "Analysis mode" we switched places like parts in a machine.

At one point I kind of blacked out, I was so stressed, "What am I doing? What comes next?"

Jan told me later that I had started to open the "kit" when it wasn't my job. WTH!? He said, "I just gently tugged it out of your hands and you went back to work." No kidding. I was really out of it, but I was fine.

"It's enough" the testers said.

And we had to switch and do CPR again with the reverse roles. Which was also fine.

After, the intubation fixation thingy was broken, and I tossed it to the tester and said in formal German, "Will you please fix this broken piece?"

He smiled, but I know it's not our job to keep stuff in repair during our test. I must admit, it felt really good to be telling our tester to do something: ) When he handed it back to me, I inspected his work.  It would suck to be the next person and have that thing come apart unexpectedly.

Then the tester asked me to intubate and mask and assist breathing on the patient, without CPR. Thank God Jonas had warned me of this, cuz it refreshed my memory and I acted like I knew what I was doing, even though the last, and only time I'd ever done that, was during my failed test!

The tester was cool cuz he kept asking me questions about what I was doing, to see if I understood the theory behind the tools. "Why do you use the Guedel Tube?" I said, "If the Larynx tube does not work, for some reason, we'll resort to the Guedel, but it's not optimal (air can get into the stomach)."

I remembered to pump air every 5 seconds, which I'd never done in classtime.

The teacher smiled, he was happy with me.

Then he gave told me to roll a die. You know where this is going if you read about this when I failed. All students learn 8 exercises but on test day we roll dice to be tested on only ONE exercise. Not so nice, cuz you have no idea which, and you'd better be perfect at it.

I rolled a 4.

I doubled over laughing, and yelled, "NO WAY." In English.

That was what I rolled 2 weeks ago. Helmet removal.

The testers said, "If you really need to, you can roll again."

They'd misinterpreted my outburst.

I said, "No! I want to do the helmet, I need to!"

The nice tester lay down on the floor, after I asked him to remove his necklace, and I remembered what I'd learned in Wuppertal last week, and what I'd practiced yesterday, refining it further, and I performed it perfectly.

I sprinted happily from the room after putting away the CPR stuff. My shirt was flecked with sweat that had dripped from my face.

As soon as I'd left the room, I texted my husband one word, that I knew he'd understand, "HELMABNAHME." (Helmet removal) I knew he'd also laugh that I'd rolled the same number.

***

The wait begins.

It felt like all day, but at about 10:30 (the day started at 7:45 for us), the testers called ALL THREE OF US into their evaluation room.

The nice tester said, "You know it's odd when we call all three of you at once. It means you either all failed, or all passed.

YOU ALL PASSED."

I think we all gasped for air. It felt like gravity lessened hold on me.

And now for our evaluations. What did we do wrong? Right?

Zaphira sat there next to Fabrize. Sweet Fabrize who waved at me when I was all alone waiting outside his class of strange students.

The main tester guy pointed at my partner Jan and said, "YOU TALK TOO MUCH."

I'm sorry but LOLOLOLOL (inwardly)

If you've been reading this blog, you know how much he likes to talk, teach, scold and generally be pedantic to me, his partner (and today, Jonas got to share that too, ha!)

The tester guy said, "Communication during CPR is good. But you talk so much you distract people."

I hid a smile cuz I had to listen to him talk down to me so much over this month....(and honestly I was used to it so it doesn't bother me).

And then the magnificent Zaphira stood up and said, "Jan, you need to lose 30 kilos."

I blinked, "WTH!!"!"!

She said, "Your CPR is not correct because your belly is in the way. We are passing you today on our own generosity. You've worked very hard, but you need to get fit."

I will include a photo of Jan in this post so you can see how big he is.

My main reaction was incomprehension. Did someone just tell someone, in front of a lot of other people (6?) to lose weight?  Couldn't she wait til she had him alone? That's awful!

Tester said Jan's compressions were too fast, with not enough "release."

I stood there feeling terrible for poor Jan.

Then it was my turn.

The tester said I got a 2. (B in America) I said, "And?"

He said, "Nothing to report, you did great." (Hm, I wonder if anyone gets an A? Cuz they have nothing to report about a B?)

I said, "and.....MY HELMET REMOVAL!?"

He said, "It was just fine, great."

Hm!

I knew it was good, but you never know with these people.

They told us to go away while they printed out our forms saying we'd passed.

More waiting.

I texted J one word, "BESTANDEN!" (passed)

He texted back, "ECHT?" (really??)

: )

J immediately told the Wuppertal guy whose been helping me (at the ambulance station, a school friend of J's), and that guy was happy for me. That was the guy, an emergency doctor,  I'd practiced with this month, he'd put everything to the side for me to practice what I needed, and even gave me a pair of medic boots. (Before I passed!?)

His name is also Jan. I will enjoy the moment when I meet up with Wuppertal-Jan again and say, "Hey, you helped me pass my test in Dortmund with the helmet thing!"

***

I was thrilled when Katrin finally arrived today. You remember the secretary? The one who hugged me and cried with me when I failed?

I walked into her office and said, "Katrin, I passed."

She jumped out of her chair and hugged me, laughing, "I knew it" and I said, "No crying this time!"

Then she said how I should work for their company (which I have not mentioned the name of yet, but if you're German you know). "You should teach first aid classes in English to foreigners! There is a great need for that!"

I kept listening but didn't want to tell her that the reason I'm doing this is to stop standing at the front of the room of people. But she  said, "You are perfect for teaching, you are so compassionate, so astute, any student would love to have you."

I flashed back to my English teaching times when, the adult students liked me, but the kids ripped me up.

It was nice of her to say, and I told her so. She replied, "I'm not being nice, it's the truth!"

What a sweet lady. It would be ironic if I ended up in a teaching position again. Again, simply because I speak English, but, as I told Katrin, I have no formal training in. Wouldn't you feel cheated if you were learning from someone who held a degree in Psychology and a certificate/10 years experience in Technical Writing...but had NOTHING in the way of teaching? I believe teachers should both be trained AND have a natural talent for it.

This is the second time someone has told me, "Sure you can do it!" simply cuz I'm a native English speaker. However, I think I'm a great tutor: )

***

Right now I'm thanking the people who prayed for me - my mom and my husband. And since we don't believe in coincidences, I am grateful to have rolled the die again and it said 4.

I have my form that says I passed their class.

And now my internship will begin. I must complete 80 hours of medic assistance, with so and so many emergencies in that time required.

I know that real life is easier than tests.

Right now I feel like I can accomplish anything.

I can't stop smiling.

I'll attach the photo they took on day 2, that I was so annoyed by, but now I'm happy.

That's Jan standing in front of me.

Today Zaphira took a separate photo of me, Jan, and Jonas, the losers who passed the second time. She promised she'd post it to facebook (after asking me if that's OK with me, how nice).

And I went home and looked her name up on the Internet, and I was right about her:



Happy to be home now. Pouring rain, horse blanketed, groceries shopped, car tank full, lawn FINALLY mown. I'm giving myself a break.