Even worse

I had Mara saddled for the first time in ages and was excited to work on relaxation and stretching down. This weekend I'd lunged her two days in a row and she was dealing with the 100kph winds very well. Surprisingly calm in such a storm that a riding arena wall blew off, so I heard. I had to laugh, we don't have that problem, there are no walls to blow away for us.

But as I tried to open the gate, Herr S saw me and sighed. No, no, he said, the arena is too wet! I thought how strange, it was fine this weekend, and it hasn't rained since. Also I paid close attention this weekend and Mara's hooves weren't even leaving hoofprints, it's so hard in there she's not leaving any trace. The arena is more likely to damage my horse than vice versa. This is why I have not turned her loose in there for months. Herr S had voiced his concerns about the arena lately but this time, well, he told me to leave.

He said he has to work on it and add more sand sometime in the next few months, and until then, I'm uninvited. I clarified with him that he would talk to me when I'm re-invited, and walked away, tears filling my eyes because well, you know.

The arena is the only place I feel positive about my horse. It's the only place I can be almost guaranteed to have progress and feel good, even have fun if I can use that word. Mara is happy there and she enjoys our dressage work, it's easy for her.

Without this, I'm screwed. I tried to wait til we were in the woods before I broke down, but I feel like this is a cruel twist of fate to end my effort with this horse. The only other arena I'm allowed to use in the area is closed to horses if it has rained, and it's been raining pretty much the past 12 months without stop (May was the last time we had no mud). I've inquired at other arenas and they don't allow outsiders.

I couldn't help wondering if it's me, if the boarders complained about me even though I always come in the morning when no one is there. I can't help wondering if he's going to let the boarders use the ring, but not me. That would be so un-neighborly I can't believe it. But I can't imagine all the boarders will sit back and agree to not using the arena til Spring or Summer. My husband offered to talk to him but I said let's wait and see.My husband has been disgruntled overall that I *pay money* to ride there - and we can add up how much - (150E the past 12 months). It is especially hurtful because of the fact that I insisted on paying.

I was determined to ride today so I climbed on her and instantly she started mincing, gawking, looking for death all around us. I was so depressed I decided right then I'm staying on her no matter what, no matter how long it takes her to get down that hill that she often refuses. I have all day.

She proceeded but it was the slowest walk it was almost not moving, and I bent her back and forth continually to unlock her from her fears. Her neck was hard as a rock, making it really hard to bend her or ask her to stretch down.

Two hikers and a dog were approaching and both me and my horse watched them as they stopped to catch their dog and then politely step off the trail. For some reason, Mara decided to freeze in terror despite seeing them moving, hearing them talking, and even hearing them talk *to us*. I was exasperated, I told them she has some sort of brain damage, and apologized. Finally they got tired of waiting and just walked by us. The whole time Mara knew they were just people, they didn't sneak up or surprise us in any way, nor did they stand perfectly still as if hunting horses. *sigh*

It took me forever to get her down that hill, like I said, any slower and we'd have been going backwards. I was like, fine, go as slow as you need, but keep going.

At the bottom there was a good wide spot to work on leg yielding, and we did it back and forth the entire stretch. She was beside herself looking side to side at all the scary trees and grasses. I just kept bending, serpentining, or leg yielding.

When we turned for home she tried rushing. I was surprised how energetic her walk was, but I wasn't going to allow a fast (normal) walk after all her slow motion crap, so I made her go as slow as possible all the way back.

Finally back at the top, I took her to a very slanted field and lunged her on the slope over a fallen tree. She tried to run away from me at one point, but I had gloves on, and a shorter lunge line, so she simply hit the end of it and fell to both knees. The ground was extremely soft so I wasn't worried.

Then walking along I found some big puddles and let her play in them, praising her whenever she splashed. She sure loves water. The other day she took the hose in her mouth and started spraying all around her. I love that trick.

Once home I untacked, blanketed her, and tied her to the wall for an hour. I'm trying to do more tying because if it's difficult to be tied at home, we have no chance elsewhere. She's fine about being tied unless I take the donkey for a walk, which creates a lot of fussing and neighing. That just proves we need more practice.

I'm keenly aware that the loss of an arena means we have no choice but to work on what is most difficult for my horse. I feel despair though, that there is nothing that we can enjoy simultaneously to our outings into the horrible outdoors.

***
I have a new camera (same as Aarene's) and had it with me all day in my pocket, but there was no photographing when my horse is like that.

Here are some photos of the best brownies I ever made from last night, and my first attempt at stenciling with powdered sugar. The snow is melted from the pouring rain (though it hailed yesterday), but I'm still in baking mode. J said, "This cake is really wet!" Yah, brownies are an American thing.