The month of the dead

November is the month where Germans remember the dead. You can buy grave candles at all the stores now (as well as Christmas lights, but no one puts them up this month).

Since Baasha died in November, I am much more reverent about this tradition. I'm still trying not to think about 2 years ago, it's so horrible, but the image of him lying in the clinic, and me  leaning down to kiss him on the forehead came to me today. I stupidly said, "It's OK, it's OK" but he was so full of painkillers he didn't respond to my presence. Or so full of pain....

It's a hard month. Last year on the 4th, I lost my job, and those who've been fired understand how it tries to take away your self confidence. I actually want to celebrate this day, because that job was falling apart, decomposing, and the stress was mounting daily.

But I can't hate a month. I am delighted that Summer is over. I'm from Seattle afterall. Give me grey skies, rain, and the need for gloves rather than bees pollinating blackberries and blackbirds singing.

***

I love exploring German cemeteries, because each grave is a garden planted by the family. They are especially beautiful in November, when you drive by and see dozens of red glowing candles.

If you don't have the time to put a garden on someone's grave, there are grave gardening services that come around and decorate for you, and pull weeds from between the flowers. They note their service on a little placard also on the grave site. That's just weird, and I've asked J to please just put grass on my grave, nothing else. He said, "So you want me to just..come mow the grass?" "Or not."

Anyway, he knows not to bury me here, because in Germany, you get 40 years to be buried, then they recycle your gravestone, dig you out, and recycle your spot. Since I'm not having children, a gravestone will be the only thing I leave behind, so I was hoping for more than 40 years.

Not that leaving something here on Earth is vital to me, but I was hoping for an enscription:

FName LName

DOB-DOD 

Would beat you up if you didn't like horses

We found the prettiest cemetery this month in our city. It's called a "Forest Cemetery" because of the large trees throughout. It was like a park, absolutely gorgeous.

But the paths were slick and mossy and I almost fell a few times. I commented to J, "I wonder how many people are buried here because they made the mistake of walking through here."

***

Maybe I'll put some candles out in my yard this month, in memory of the ones I miss.

Since the cemeteries are maintained by the families, to maintain their grave gardens there are watering cans in every cemetery. This is the first one I've seen that has a Pfand for them! And, my goodness, for wheelbarrows too! You have to put a coin in the slot to get a watering can, like in the grocery stores here to get a cart, and ensure its return.

This one really got me because it was so elegantly done with the headstone design, and it had a gathering of children's plastic animal toys below it. And a burning candle.

I went to the water station and sure enough the water ran. I almost fell down here as I stepped onto moss-slick pavement.

Grave gardens.

Gorgeous park-like setting.

Trying not to fall down, following my husband.

This inevitable part of visiting a cemetery always makes me sad. Their headstones are going to be recycled. As an American, where we try to be reverent about resting places, it bothers me. But of course, we're only oxygen/carbon/hydrogen/nitrogen, our souls are not offended by the ripping out of the ground. I guess it's silly of me to care about a gravesite. But somehow, whenever my donkey steps on my cat Lander's grave, I cringe. That's his, don't step on it!

Just now as I wrap this up, a flock of cranes (Kranich) are flying over my house, calling their frightening call. This is the third time in the last week that I've seen them over my house in V formation, which is fascinating to me, how they use the air current of the bird in front to save energy. You can see them trading places as they fly, letting someone else be the leader. They fly from Scandanavia to Spain, not stopping here. Yes, go you guys, take Summer with you.

Below is a video so you can hear them too - the first time I did, I had no idea what that noise was, I was in the woods and couldn't see, but I could hear it getting closer and closer and I was pretty scared.

They're calling down, "Remember."